My heart is literally broken, and it's leading me home...to HER

Enter the Inner Sanctum

Apr 12, 2025

Recently I shared I have been diagnosed with a heart condition.

It hit me immediately. This tracked back in my body to a time I closed my heart to the Divine. I just knew it.

A dear friend had died very suddenly at the age of 53, just as she was awakening to her soul path. I was furious with God, Source, the Divine. I had devoted my life in service and lived in deep synchrony with my soul and higher guidance. It was a vocation. I lived and breathed my sacred contract. So this was personal.

It had already been a terrible few years with multiple bereavements and shocks. I couldn’t take any more. I felt betrayed and abandoned by my Spirit team and so angry for my friend.

As I stood in my kitchen I felt myself do a huge F*** YOU to the higher powers I had devoted myself to for so many years. With that my heart closed. I resigned.

I felt it physically in my chest, a sharp sensation as I slammed the door shut.

Shortly after that the wheels came off my life. The lights went out.

This recent diagnosis has had me worried to be honest. I’ve had multiple heath scares in the past, each one alerting me to the next turn of the spiral on my wisdom path. Each one ultimately a blessing.

But this one is a toughie. I’ve had some very low days.

I have cried hard and prayed hard.

Then I was guided to work with a Shamanic Witch Priestess (a sister for sure) taking me back to that moment I closed my heart in rage and disappointment.

That was the key.

I had lost my faith.

I had stopped trusting HER, trusting myself and listening to my heart.

This sent me up into my head, disconnected me from my body and my fullest ability to sense what I needed to do, how to do it and when. Quite simply the Dark Mothers stepped in to offer me another descent into the underworld so I could heal more deeply than ever before.

Trauma plus undiagnosed AuDHD were also playing in the background. Even when doing sacred work I was pushing myself too hard. Unaware that my adrenals were working overtime pumping adrenalin through my system damaging my heart.

Patriarchal programming will do that, have you driving and striving and stuck in survival mode, not listening to heart, soul and body.

It had happened without me even noticing. My internalised patriarchal bully was not listening to the needs of my feminine nature.

Now it had resulted in a serious heart condition.

SHE had got my attention.

This diagnosis is my call back into the Light, back home to HER. To the Divine Mother, the Ancient Mother.

Time for my branches to grow again up towards the sun with the Light Mothers.

My time in the dark sent me deep into my roots, ancestry, feminine wounds and the toxic femininity that has affected us all. They were a rough few years but necessary. If we don’t tend to our roots we will topple over at some point when we strive for the Light and our branches grow too fast.

This is the lower and upper world of Shamanism.

Both must be in balance and healthy in order to thrive in the middle world, this human world, your life.

My many times in the darkness have always bestowed me with gifts, offerings and wisdom to bring back to my village of women. We descend, we die and are reborn, rising with new awareness and embodied truths.

So as my heart called me back to HER, back to the Light, I felt my body flooding with those delicious tingles of confirmation. She had never left me.

In the midst of this incredible and difficult process I have been longing for more sacred space, union with the Divine Mother and for more ritual and devotional practices in my life to nourish that renewed connection. My time in the dark is done. It was necessary and rich. I know the underworld well and can now lead others through it and back to the light.

And so I have annointed my sacred Substack and renamed her: INNER SANCTUM

INNER SANCTUM is where I weave together spirituality, art, healing, Herstory and Sacred Feminism wisdom. All fed by my 27 years on a devotional path of awakening and deep soul journeying working with thousands of women all over the world.

This next chapter will see me continuing to share my story and the journey of healing my heart and replenishing my inner chalice and sharing helpful resources with you.

My intention is for this to be a warm glowing hearth to gather around, a blessed space to remember and reclaim and to navigate the initiations of these extraordinary times.

This is a space for me to share the deep medicine of my own soul’s path to hopefully help you on yours.

Why INNER SANCTUM? Why now?

I feel it in my bones, we are in this mess in our world today as a direct result of a disconnection from the Divine Mother and the Sacred Feminine.

Goddess culture, matriarchy and the honouring of nature and the unseen realms was intentionally and systematically deleted.

HERstory was erased and HIStory manufactured in its place.

The witch trials and my pioneering work ‘Healing the Witch Wound’™ is just one part of a much bigger picture of the feminine wounds created by patriarchy.

Women (and many men) have felt the impact of this disconnection from the ancient mother on their health, income, intuition, sense of safety, confidence, relationships and family line.

Our planet has been thrown totally out of balance by a severance from the sacredness of life.

We are living in a time of a collective dark night of the soul.

Toxic patriarchy has taken us into the darkness.

The ancients knew it is darkness that finally gives birth to light.

I believe matriarchy and Sacred Feminism will bring us back into the light.

Women in their embodied power as the portals of creation.

Sacred Feminine consciousness and energy respected by all.

A restored reverence for the value and interconnectedness of all of life.

Paving the way then for the Sacred Masculine and men to step into their true power, as boundary-keepers and protectors of life and holy space, allowing the women to feel safe to surrender fully into the depths of their creative/mystical power as portals of magic and medicine, allowing the Sacred Feminine to once again flourish in us all and in the world.